So many of us try to do everything perfectly to fit in.  Maybe we think that if we do everything perfectly, we will not get criticism and comments from others.  But really we are more or less afraid of being criticized by others, rather than from ourselves, which eats us up from the inside with our struggle to fit in, in all situations.

It is often a feeling that grinds and grinds deeply in the silence that one is not good enough.  You do not notice this feeling in your consciousness as long as you are doing everything perfectly.  But the stress you are carrying, to keep everything under control and doing everything perfectly, creates stress-related conditions that sooner or later will harm your health. 

It is like a ticking bomb, ready to explode at any time.  Often the bomb explodes when you make a mistake on the perfect surface. Bang! All of the hidden feelings, of being not good enough, come up to the surface, after being well hidden, deep within our sub consciousness. 

Suddenly everything collapses and you need outside help to find yourself again.  The key is not that you must rest without finding the reasons why you must be perfect in all situations.  When you have discovered the reasons and created a more positive self-image, the stress symptoms disappear like a leaf in the wind.

Here are four tips to being good enough:

1. Find out what your parents tried or are trying to do to show a perfect image
2. What you see in their perfectionism, that you have acquired through habits, you will pass on the same habits to your children and so on and so on.  What habits do you want to change when you see and hear this?
3. Put yourself in situations where you will be guaranteed to get criticism from yourself or others.  For example, not washing the car or ironing a shirt.
4. When you get that raw feeling that you are not good enough when you do it, just let the feeling increase and let it stay until it does not have power over you anymore.  Do not be afraid of the feeling, for it is not dangerous, although often very uncomfortable.

When you meet the internal and external critics in this way, in the end you will not react with a negative feeling anymore.  You feel you are good enough, regardless of what others think. 

Good Luck!

Hans Thorn, Success Coach

http://www.personalcoachingonline.com

All people, more or less, have the need to control within their finances, health and relationships.  Some of us have an overzealous need to control that can do harm to these important areas within our lives.  How do you find out if you have these control needs?

Take a look at your current situation in for example, your finances your health and your relationships.  If they are not in balance, as in 99 out of 100 cases, it is a control need that hides an internal reason for your extraneous symptoms.

Say, for example, that you have poor control of your finances and try to get balance and control of it through many outside actions.  Unfortunately, your financial situation only gets worse and worse, without you knowing why.  The key now is to find the internal reason that often is deeply concealed within your subconscious.  When you figure out the reason for your poor financial situation, the need to control is gone and you can now do the extraneous action with extraordinary results. 

Three tips to rid yourself of the need to control:

1. Figure out where you have extraneous symptoms that you know you cannot solve
2. Look deep within to find the inner reason for your problem.  You will know when you have found it for it is the painful feeling that lies there and hurts the most, that you have never dared look for earlier
3. Let the negative feelings come to the surface so that they cannot control you from deep within.  Now you are free to create what you want within that area.  You are now released. 

Good luck with the exercise. 

When you have got rid of the need to control, you can start working with your outer goals. To do this, follow these steps:

1.       Perform a reality check and find out where you are right now with you finances, relationships and health

2.      Are you happy with the results you have accomplished so far, i.e. where you are right now? If not, define your goals for each area and write those down as detailed as possible with a due date for each goal

3.      If necessary, break down the goals into sub-goals with due dates for the sub-goals

4.      Define an action plan with the steps necessary for you to take to reach each goal and sub-goal

5.      Take action

Good Luck!

Hans Thorn, Success Coach

http://www.personalcoachingonline.com

Behind every idea and success, there always lies a lot of work to be done even though we do not see it in the end result.  Seldom do we actually know all of the effort and hard work a very successful person has put forth to become the successful person that they are today. 

For example, perhaps you have had a boss in your past at your place of work whom was highly successful.  Chances are very good that he or she had to work very hard for years to get where he or she is now.  It does not come overnight.

What idea or dream do you have that you would like to come true?  Have you decided to give it a chance?  Many of us have had grand dreams at some point in our lives that we had wished for more than anything, but have thought that we simply could not achieve those dreams without even giving them a chance.  We must give our dreams a chance.

Behind every success there often lie many failures.  Is it not time to dare both the successes and failures?  When you are ready to do both of these, you are ready to create the future that you deserve. We should not fear failing as it only stops us from even attempting to make our dreams reality.  So take the chance, and stare your fear in the face; it will be worth it in the end.

Four tips for you who are ready to fail, in order to succeed:

1. Begin working on your dream today
2. Putting off your plans for your dreams is the same as giving up your dream
3. Do not allow anyone to stop your dream (you or someone else)
4. Make sure that you create a plan of action that you cannot back out of when you begin to become afraid of failing

The personal development that you get out of these four steps is probably the biggest boost you can give yourself in your life.  You can most certainly get the most out of your life by beating the fear of failing and not letting anyone stop you from achieving your dream.

Good Luck!

Hans Thorn, Success Coach

http://www.personalcoachingonline.com

We have looked at many different aspects in acquiring success.  But if you do not get your self-esteem in place to obtain everything else in the world, you will not be really satisfied.

How do we accomplish this?  In order to understand what self-esteem does, we must understand what self-esteem is.  The best way to do this is to compare self-esteem with self-confidence.

Do you know the difference? When you understand what the difference is, you can also achieve anything at all, because you can differentiate between the two. Self-confidence according to me, is that value you make of the surrounding world on what you do. When you create a lot of success within business, sports or something else and become recognized for this, the chances are good that you will develop good self-confidence.

Self-esteem on the other hand is your internal value of yourself irrespective of what the surrounding world thinks. You can have enormous success outwardly or not get any recognition whatsoever, but your self-esteem is intact.  Do you see the difference?

Let us take an example:  You have Sam who is the top executive at a leading company in the IT field.  All is going well and Sams self-confidence is high.  Suddenly the market collapses and Sam is fired.  Depending on what Sam has for fundamental values about himself (self-esteem), his behavior returns to the basics (self-esteem).  With poor self-esteem, Sam collapses and we never hear from him again.  With good self-esteem, perhaps Sam takes a half of a year off and comes back later, stronger than ever.  Certainly, you have seen both types of people?

Can you develop your self-esteem so that you do not become broken when your self-confidence gives way?  Of course!  It is simple but it is not easy.   

What can a person do?

1. Create a fundamental security that is not based on extraneous results
2. Realize what it is and  develop it
3. With this foundation you will be on the path to the success that you want
4. Now you have both self-esteem and self-confidence 

As mentioned, it is simple, but not easy. Therefore many different directions have emerged on how to develop your self-esteem.  It can be anything at all from yoga to meditation to coaching.  Find the way that passes you best.  

Good Luck!

Hans Thorn, Success Coach

http://www.personalcoachingonline.com

Then you would be able to realize everything you are dreaming of regarding improving your finances, health and relationships. It is actually true that people with good self-esteem often succeed in life better than others.

What does that depend on?

In order to understand why, then we need to grasp what self-confidence is, what self-esteem is, and the difference between these.

Self-confidence is what you display to other people in the forms of real results with job, career, finances, appearance, etc. Your conscience judgment of what you have accomplished increases or decreases your self-confidence. By obtaining the things you think are fantastic; it creates a certain status for you, increasing your self-confidence.

Self-esteem is an inner unconscious judgment of yourself that reflects your emotional and spiritual balance and presence. Self-esteem is built when you are honest with yourself and your feelings, regardless of external circumstances. It means that you are doing what you really want with your life, and therefore you feel secure and happy with your life.

Many people have good self-confidence, but bad self-esteem, which means that they have accomplished much outer success, but know that they are really not where they want to be in their lives. These individuals can be deeply unhappy; although it appears that they have everything. Look at the vast majority of pop stars, elite athletes and heads of companies whom fall under this category.

Then you have those who have a good self-esteem, but bad self-confidence. They can be that unknown artist or environmental activist, who feels deep inside that they are doing right with their lives, but the frustration that they can not get their message out to a greater audience, makes it so they will never experience good self-confidence.

The ideal is of course, to have a balance between good self-confidence and good self-esteem. There you have a person in balance whom succeeds outwardly, but whom also has balance inside themselves. There you can count in certain pop stars, elite athletes and heads of companies. But since they have balance within themselves, you can see and feel that this success is authentic on all levels. But keep in mind that good self-confidence comes and goes, while good self-esteem is an internal decision about what you do with your life, which exists as long as you are honest with yourself.

How can you get better self-confidence and self-esteem?

Here are seven ways to go about this:

1. Live the life you actually want to have, so as to increase your self-esteem
2. See to it that you personally decide over your life, which increases your self-esteem
3. By being a floor mop for others, it breaks down your self-esteem, Do not accept that!
4. Create success outwardly, so that you strengthen your self-confidence
5. Combine strong self-esteem with strong self-confidence, so that you succeed
6. It is not important where you start; everything can be fixed no matter how hopeless it looks
7. Do not compare yourself with others. Instead, create your own future within (and outside) yourself

Good Luck!

Hans Thorn, Success Coach

http://www.personalcoachingonline.com

To be able to set up an action plan we need a strong goal and a strong will to achieve it. Without a strong will it is impossible to reach any goal whatsoever. A lot of people set up goals and get very disappointed when they do not achieve them. Image a NHL team who has set up the goal to win Stanley Cup, but do not show on at the hockey arena for playing the games. Do you thing they will win Stanley Cup?

Unfortunately many people expect they will increase their sales, build up their customer list or get better finances without doing something. They get disappointed in themselves or in others and give up their goal and vision before they actually have given it a shot.  The key to improving your results is to create a strong action plan that is related to your goals and vision, and to stick to the plan and perform the necessary activities.

What to start with?

1. Set a date when the goal shall be achieved (deadline)
2. Find out what activities you need to carry out to achieve the goal
3. Break down the action plan from an overall level to detailed level. Start with what needs to happen during a year, then per month and per week.
4. For each weekly planning you shall now break down this to six daily activities you need to carry out to reach your goal
5. Execute the six daily activities before you do anything else each day
6. If you follow this formula you have created a lot of spare time for other things in life

When breaking down the week into daily activities, it can look like this.

Monday

1.       Call an existing customer

2.      Call a potential customer (lead)

3.      Make a sale to a customer

4.      Call 10 cold calls

5.      Work on personal development 30 minutes

6.      Perform a presentation (e.g. at a seminar or to somebody)

Summarize your activities at the end of each day to make sure all of them are executed. If you do this the right way, you will create habits that are more efficient and successful.

Example: Goal: To have revenue of at least $50,000 per month before December 31: st 2008. Identify what activities are necessary to achieve that goal. What needs to be done during the year, per month, per week and per day? Write everything down in a structural way and you have started setting up a strong action plan. Make sure you follow the plan and adjust it when necessary.

Good Luck!

Hans Thorn, Success Coach

http://www.personalcoachingonline.com

This scenario could be yours, but the question is: Does your life look like this? Most likely most people would like to have a life like this, but the reality for many people is not as positive as the scenario above. A lot of people struggle with bad finances, bad health and bad relationships. How come?

No-one is born with a negative approach or negative thoughts of herself. However, when the years pass by, a lot of people create a negative pattern of thoughts that leads to negative feelings, which always leads to poor results. There is nothing wrong with that and it is pure naturally if you understand the law of cause and effect, where every effect has a cause and every cause has an effect.

The reason for that we think positively or negatively about ourselves and what we can accomplish is to a large extent shaped of what we have seen, experienced and heard as a child. If you have grown up surrounded by harmony, the chances that you have life balance are greater than what you would have had if you had grown up under tougher circumstances. Maybe it sounds unfair, and maybe it is, but you cannot change the past.

However, you can change what you think and feel about yourself now. What has been programmed in your past can be replaced with a new program where you get positive results, all according to the law of cause and effect.

How is this done? The first thing we need to do is to let go of the emotional connection to what causes poor results. To let go of everything that is negative and forgive those who might have done this. Not so much for their sake as for you to be able to be free from the strong bounds that creates your unwished results.

When you then feel free and released from the negative, it is time to program your brain with your dream scenario with assistance of new messages, for example:

1. I love myself
2. I am running a successful business
3. I have many excellent relationships

Read your sentences 10 times each morning and evening during three weeks and continue thereafter with new positive sentences that you want to experience. This will become you new cause and the results will be positive and totally different from your previous results.

Good Luck!

Hans Thorn, Success Coach

http://www.personalcoachingonline.com

The difference between a multi millionaire and a poor person might seem to be huge, but the big difference is that the rich person has the consciousness to make money while the poor man has the consciousness to make no money at all.

Imagine if one could teach everybody how to make a consciousness of good finances, health and relationships instead of the dejected feeling that many people carry around. I mean that this is possible. The thing that differentiates us from each other is our inner images we carry around in our unconsciousness. These inner images of success or failure decide what kind of decisions we take and what results we get.  

What kind of inner images do you carry around? Make an analysis of your present situation and your inner images, when it comes to your finances, health and relationships. These are the images that control your life, in the same way as your software programs control your computer and what it can do. Are these the images you want? Would you rather replace your programs? Just like on a computer you can add programs that you use, and delete or remove programs that you focus less on or do not use at all.

What kind of images do you want to have in your data bank when it comes to finances, health and relationships? Write them down and focus on what you do want to have.  Remember to live with these images like they are happening right now, as in present mode. Sooner or later the result you want will be created outwards. A positive image creates a positive result, while a negative image creates a negative result.

You decide how conscious and successful you will be. You are the one who decide what programs your computers shall have and what kind of result they shall generate. If you apply this technique you can create the life you want!

Do you know that almost all people create their life around their job and the salary they get from that? Why not apply another approach? Start with defining what kind of life you want to life and create your work around that. When you have identified the life of your dreams, create your inner images of that life and start working with your mental picture of this life. At the same time, write down what steps you need to take to achieve the life of you dreams. The power of both your mental inner images and a practical action plan will take you to your goals even faster.

Good Luck!

Hans Thorn, Success Coach

http://www.personalcoachingonline.com

Let us take an example: We have John, 38 years old, who run his own business as a specialist in web design. As you might be aware of, there are plenty of companies offering web design which makes it difficult for the customer to choose who to hire. John contacts me since his business does not perform according to his intentions and plans.

John knows that he is really good at what he does, but he has mediocre sales results. We discuss the problem and I ask John what he does. After a while it is clear for me that John does not differ himself from the rest when he has meetings with potential clients. John does not market himself in a way that differentiates him from his competitors, which makes it impossible for the client to understand why they should choose John instead of any other web design company.

I ask John what makes him so good, what he is really good at within his niche. He says: I am quite good at everything but there is nothing special with me. However, I know that this is not true since I have seen Johns web design work and it is really good. After a lot of discussion and digging into Johns work, we find three things that differentiate John from the rest. These unique things, also called the Unique Selling Proposition (USP), are;

1. John is reliable above the usual. He delivers what he promises and he makes sure the customer is happy with the result.

2. John offers web solutions that the customer himself can administrate, which makes his products very flexible.

3. John has a competence level within his niche that is second to none. All this is offered to a very competitive price.

When John presents his services with these unique qualities it is much easier for the customer to compare Johns offer with the competitors offers, and choose John.

This is a rather simple way to increase your turn around when you know what you are good at, i.e. to market and present your Unique Selling Proposition (USP).

So, my question to you my friend is;

-         What kind of unique qualites do you have that differentiates you from the rest in your work or in you business?

-         Make a list of at least three things that differentiates you from the rest.

-         This is your Unique Selling Proposition/your USP.

Do your customers or your boss know what your USP is? If not, make sure you communicate this when you are marketing and selling your product or service.

At the Olympic Games in Montreal Canada 1976, the difference between the winner of 100 meter and the guy who came last, was 1/10 of a second. The winner had certain unique qualities that differentiated him from the rest. He became famous and his name was printed in the history books for ever, while the other names were forgotten only a couple of weeks after the competition. It is on people with these kinds of values the companies choose to sponsor with millions of dollars. The same apply for customers; they bet their money on the people or companies that stands out from the rest and offers unique values.

Good luck with these exercises and do not forget that you are unique. Use your Unique Selling Proposition (your USP) and improve your chances.

Good Luck!

Hans Thorn, Success Coach

http://www.personalcoachingonline.com